


Not Enough

by hgb



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Guilt, The major character death is canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22270642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hgb/pseuds/hgb
Summary: While waiting for a drugged Hamid to wake up, Azu reflects.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	Not Enough

Azu presses her back against the cell wall, shifting slightly as she cradles Hamid in her arms. He’s still limp from the effects of the drug. She should have been more suspicious, should have considered that possibility. Sasha probably would have.

_“Could people just be competent!”_

She winces as cloth catches against one of the open cuts on her hands. Digging desperately at the adamantine bars left them covered in small stinging scrapes and cuts, and here in this cell she feels cut off from Aphrodite’s healing power. A sensation all too familiar now, the last time she’d reached for her and felt an answer had been...four days ago now? A desperate plea barely answered by a goddess who felt so distant, and then the silence, the disconnection, a darker different presence answering her calls. She stopped trying reach out after her last attempt to heal caused harm to her friends. It would be different now, surely. It was the chaos of Rome that interfered, nothing personal, no lack of faith on her part.

_“We can’t just give up everything, otherwise you are a bad paladin!”_

_“You’re terrible at healing.”_

_“A bad workman blames his eldritch horrors.”_

_“You just have to, you know, really try. I mean, I did and it worked, sooooo…not gonna tell you how to do your job, but I came here, I healed up Eldarion, it worked.”_

No...no, it wasn’t personal. It couldn’t have been. She shifts again, trying not to jostle Hamid as she lifts one hand from his back, studying the rope burn on her palm. It’s nearly healed, but she feels the sting as sharply as the day it happened.

_“Pull me out!”_

Wet rope tearing across her palms as she pulled desperately, slipping and falling, unable to save her friend. She’d tried so hard but she hadn’t been strong enough on her own. She’d needed Grizzop’s help. Grizzop. Another friend she’d failed to save.

_“Everyone close your eyes.”_

If she’d kept hers open, would it have helped? Would she have seen him falter, caught him more quickly, been able to maintain her grasp?

_“Everyone close your eyes and do not let go!”_

She tried. She tried to hold on. She did her best...didn’t she? What do you do when your best isn’t enough? When you aren’t enough?

_“Do not let go.”_

His hand tearing free of hers, an empty void where she reached out for him. Never again. Please, never again. She pulls Hamid closer. Let her be strong enough this time. Let her be strong enough for him. He’s all I’ve got left. Hamid shifts, trembling slightly in her arms, and Azu whispers soothing words.

_“It’s alright, Hamid. I’m here.”_

She cradles him close with aching hands and prays to a distant god that this time she’ll be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really a writer, but Azu has a lot of guilt and I had emotions about it.


End file.
